To fear #NoEstimates

There are two primary emotions. Some say. So do I :-). At least there are two emotions that all other emotions "derive" from. It's better that you read someone else's definition, and this one correlates well with my own definition. It is claimed to come from Elisabeth Kubler Ros (I haven't looked up the source, but it doesn't matter who has said what - I still like it):

"There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It's true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it's more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They're opposites. If we're in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we're in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear."
Quote

So whenever you act, you act based on one of those two emotions. Fear or love.

When you're in the state of fear you attack. When you're in the state of love you embrace.

Behind fear is actually a call for help. Every person in fear is in some way asking for help. That thought can be helpful. That thought is comforting.

What does this have to do with #NoEstimates?
If you oppose #NoEstimates, ask yourself why you oppose it, based on those two emotions. You can actually ask yourself that question for anything, not just #NoEstimates. It's a really great exercise, but off topic in this post :-)

I have to admit that my #NoEstimates "journey" have been up and down. Initially I liked it, but then I started to dislike it (you can read all my previous blog post, if you want, to get a sense of that journey yourself). And now I'm back where I started :-)

So why did I oppose it ("back then")? Thus, why did I feel "fear"? This is basically what I thought:

Too broad definition

One of the reasons was that I started to see that estimates are a big part of what we do, every day. We estimate all the time, from big things to tiny little things. Heck, I even estimate when I write code (e.g. "How long will this piece of code take to complete, compared to if I write it like this instead?").
So, I started to oppose the whole #NoEstimates thing. I opposed it since it felt "silly". And feeling something is "silly" can easily be derived from the "fear" emotion. At least it's not an act out of "love".

Now I have chosen "love". In that emotion you don't see things as "silly". You instead ask yourself why you think it's "silly" (what do you fear)? Am I in a state of misunderstanding? Have I missed anything? Then I act on that emotion, instead of on my fear. I stop "attacking" and start "embracing".

Never estimate?

I also thought that it meant that you should aim at abolishing estimates, completely. This goes along with my previous point when it comes to the "fear" emotion.

When I choose "love" I see that I'm not seeing clearly, I'm missing something. Why do I act as seeing it as something "silly"? Does it really mean this?

Doesn't work for me

I also opposed it since I couldn't see how I could apply it in my own current profession. Maybe I still can't, but it's not the thing. I'm not going into details on what the "thing" is, it's not the topic. 

And no one really told me how I could apply it. Just "explore".

So, you could say I felt anger. And maybe jealousy? And I don't think I have to explain that anger and jealousy isn't derived from "love" at least? :-) When you're angry (or jealous) you easily "attack" (cause you're in a state of "fear").

When I choose "love" I can embrace that it works for others. Find inspiration and joy.

"Knowing cost..?"

How could you possibly tell someone the cost of something (if they want to know) without estimating? And isn't cost crucial when making decisions? Again, it's the "silly" thought. Or even the "Not doing this is really bad/stupid!" thought. That's attacking.

As I've already said, if I choose "love" I embrace that I haven't understood completely. You start asking embracing questions, not attacking ones.

"It's just bad management"

I felt that estimates are not the cause of the problem. And it isn't. I still believe that. The root cause is always people. Do I "fear" we're solving the wrong problem?

When I choose "love" I don't attack, instead I see that neither #BetterEstimates nor #NoEstimates will solve the "people problem". So either approach is ok, in that sense. Whatever might do the "people problem" at least better is worth trying. And #BetterEstimates have I already tried, and still are trying - so let's embrace another option. If I can. And embrace others who are trying.

Universal approach

Back then I was missing "actionables". I wanted to "do #NoEstimates". I thought it could be applied in any domain in any context anytime. And I was "frustrated" no one told me or showed me how to start. I was missing someone telling me when estimates where appropriate and when "no estimates" where appropriate.

Clearly a "cry" for help. An act when you're in "fear". You could also say I was feeling "frustrated" or maybe even "angry". Not feelings from "love".

But if I choose "love" I see that you shouldn't perhaps even seek #NoEstimates. It may be an outcome (from retrospectives). The only "seeking" you should do is trying to be inspired and realize "maybe I can't start, but what *can* I do?".

"But isn't it still a genuinely bad idea?"

This is more of a reflection I'm having now rather than something I believe I felt back then. So I'm going to see how you can approach this with "love".

Some developers/teams actually don't do estimates, and it's working for them. Why not be inspired instead? Encourage them, even if you can't possibly see how you could apply it. And if it turns out it actually *is* a genuinely "crappy" idea (even for those devs/teams), don't you think they would stop themselves (or be stopped)? Don't you think it actually won't be "universally" applied? But why don't you let someone else try, if they can and want to and it is for the better (for them)? As I said, be inspired instead. No one is forcing it on you. And if it turns out it actually is the universally-new-great-way-of-developing-software, don't you think it will be well tested in lots of domains and proven to be a better way first (like agile)? As I said, no one is forcing you to try or even telling you that you should try. Why not watch, listen, learn? Even if it "fails", it was worth trying it. There's a saying, I can't find it now (please help!) that goes something like this (out of my head): "It's better to take that step and fall than to be left standing on one foot the rest of your life".

And if you really think that trying to lessen the dependency on estimates in software development is a bad idea, why do you want to stop others from trying? What emotion is driving you? If they fail, even badly, they might still feel it was worth the try. You don't have to try. You even shouldn't. Maybe you fear (pun intended) it will drag a "bad name" around the whole software development "thing" - if others fail? I don't think you have to fear that. Really. If #NoEstimates is such a bad idea(?), I think I pretty much *know* what will be "blamed" as the cause for those "failures" (if so) ;-)

Conclusion

I think my feelings where: "that's silly!" or "frustration", "anger" and "jealousy". Those feelings are not based on "love".

So: let love drive you! :-)

"But aren't you allowed to criticize anything?"

Of course you are! I don't say - and no one is saying - that fear is something bad. Fear is as equally good as love - in the right situation. If you don't ever fear, you probably won't live a long life :-) 

And I claim that "criticism" can be derived out of either love or fear (as many other emotions).

But, just know (or try to see) what emotion is driving you in a specific situation. Are you acting out of love or out of fear? It might sometimes be hard to tell, but I think you know deep down. Are you attacking or embracing?

And even more important: is the person you are interacting with acting out of love or fear? If you look at another person, the one you're having "issues" with ("attacking" you), as someone who is "afraid", it might help you solve the situation better. Understanding the other person and why he/she acts the way he/she is acting right now. And remember, you can always *try* to let love drive you instead.

I don't propose a #NoFear hashtag. Even though you sometimes can choose love over fear, i.e. #NoFear (pun intended again) :-)